I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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