he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
