dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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