I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize