I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
