When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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