I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
