i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've blown a few things in my day
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
