Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
this hospital has no fireball
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
