sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
