You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
