I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
