got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
