3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
