i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
