it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
