he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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