Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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