Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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