maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
