i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
