when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
