i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
