i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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