the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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