My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
