I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
