so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
