I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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