YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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