I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am spending my child support on dildos
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
