I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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