I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
