4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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