Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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