I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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