I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
