i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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