Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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