Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
