we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize