Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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