I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
