Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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