The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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