and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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