i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
