your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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