my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
