totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
