I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
