I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
