Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
