And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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