so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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