She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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