you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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