i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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