my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize