i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
