Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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