Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
