happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
