Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
