I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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