She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
