Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
