I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
