I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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