Will you blow on my dice?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
