I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
