I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
