I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
