you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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