I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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